Schmoopy Doesn't Live Here

I'm not much of a hugger. My husband definitely is. I'm not sure how I became not-a-hugger, because I wasn't always like this. Sometimes my NAH (not-a-hugger) status bothers me. I worry that Red doesn't realize how much I love him because I am not a Schmoopy person. (Remember that Seinfeld episode when Jerry and his latest girlfriend came up with the nauseatingly cutesy nickname Schmoopy for one another, and proceeded to make everyone else around them sick? That episode skeeves me out. Who's with me?)

My husband is at the opposite end of the NAH spectrum. He is a HEA. That's a hug-everwhere-all-the-time person. Sometimes when he is in full-blown HEA mode, a little voice in my head says, "Whoa. Easy there, Lenny!"

Which I am painfully aware makes me a total bitch.

I get a little panicky when people hold a hug for too long. I feel awkward when I am in a situation where everyone is saying goodbye and there is hugging, because I don't like hugging people who are not in my immediate circle. Which makes me a horrible person. Horrible on a Rent-A-Truck-And-Run-Over-Some-Puppies level. I just can't help it. Sometimes I don't want to deal with a Schmoopy attack. And I am not a stone cold bitch nor am I unable to show affection. Far from it. I like giving hugs to immediate friends and family. I am more affectionate and sentimental than 80% of my friends. (Having said that, 60% of my friends are guys, so that's probably not the greatest yardstick. Hmm.)

I don't like hugging people who are not in my immediate circle...which makes me a horrible person. Horrible on a Rent-A-Truck-And-Run-Over-Some-Puppies level.

Perhaps I was standing in the mega-geek line for the sixth time when they were handing out the Schmoopy ability. Perhaps one too many hugs from over-enthusiastic adults when I was a kid. Maybe it was one too many boys having inappropriate crushes on me during my high school years that made me run screaming from the thought of Schmoopy-ization.* I often joke that I am germaphobic - which isn't entirely untrue. Perhaps it's a combination of these things that has rendered my Schmoopy-quotient to the bottom rung. I don't know what it is about an abundance of unexpected affection that makes me feel so uncomfortable.

Whatever the reason, I just can't handle an over-abundance of Schmoopy-ness.

*Mercifully, no-one's had an unwelcome crush on me since 2003. I, however have had a crush or two in the last year. And yes, Red is already acutely aware that I am a total pseudo-slut. Hi, Mom!